Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
