I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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