I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
