Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
