guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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