we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
