she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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