I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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