Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
