Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
