2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
