I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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