And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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