this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
