We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize