She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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