I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
