I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
