You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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