he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
