There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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