508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
