then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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