i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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