So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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