I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
