broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
