never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
