Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
