So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
