an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
