4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
