we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
