Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
