HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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