im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
