whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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