i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
