I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
