I wish my penis had an off switch
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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