I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
