Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
