ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize