i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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