the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
