fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
