Someone shit on the floor
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
