I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
