i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
