just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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