Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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