Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize