it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
