Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My penis needs a shock collar
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
