Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
