we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
