I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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