can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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