I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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