Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
