just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
