wakey wakey hands off snakey
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
