And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
