Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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