I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
