and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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