At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
