So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
