Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
