I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
