I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We had sex on a dog bed..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
