Swine flu. Run for my life!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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