Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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