Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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