Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
