i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
zippers are such a cool invention
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
