It's Friday. Sex?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
