are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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