**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
