i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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