I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize