Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
