I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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