Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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