And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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