If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Come on in and take your pants off
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