So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
