if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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