So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm having to shit out rocks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
