tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
