Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
