do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
