I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
