I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
