I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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