I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
