you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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