Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They took my balls.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
His nipple licking is glorious
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