Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
