Already got asked if we're dating
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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