I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
