He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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